Maybe you and your partner have been thinking about couples therapy, but something keeps holding you back. You might wonder whether your relationship is “bad enough” for therapy, whether one of you will get blamed, or whether couples therapy actually works.
As couples therapists in Oakland, we hear concerns like these all the time. Let’s break down five of the most common myths about couples therapy, and what you can actually expect when you begin.
Couples Therapy Myth #1:
“People only go to couples therapy when their relationship is failing. They’re about to break up or get divorced.”
Couples often wait years before gettings support. Couples therapy can help prevent breaking up or getting divorced and getting started earlier at the first sign of difficulty helps prevent the conflict in the relationship from escalating. Getting support early on can be like preventative medicine. Waiting for the injury or conflict in your relationship to intensify to the point where you need intensive interventions creates more work and effort to mend the disconnection in your relationship.
Couples Therapy Myth #2:
“If we go to couples therapy, I am just going to get blamed for everything.”
Couples therapy will not necessarily feel comfortable. A skilled couples therapist will support you in understanding the cycle of disconnection in your relationship in a gentle, compassionate manner that shouldn’t feel like you are being blamed. Your therapist will guide you to examine this cycle of disconnection, which may mean looking at your role in it (as well as your partner’s). This guidance should feel supportive and helpful, gently helping you learn where you get stuck in your relationship so you can move past that point of disconnection.
Couples Therapy Myth #3:
“Our relationship is too far gone. Therapy won’t help!”
If you are both invested and willing to work hard on your relationship, your relationship has a good chance to mend. Couples that are successful in therapy often are open-minded to learning about their partner’s perspective and are committed to staying consistent in working on their relationship.
Couples Therapy Myth #4:
“Couples therapy will fix our relationship.”
Therapy doesn’t fix relationships. Therapy does help guide you to understand your and your partner’s emotional needs within your relationship. This provides an opportunity to learn how to meet each other’s needs, which lessens conflict and helps build a stronger connection. Research supports this approach of helping couples understand and shift the patterns that keep them stuck.
Couples Therapy Myth #5:
“It’s not worth it, It’s going to take a lot of time and money.”
It can take some time, emotional labor, and financial investment to be successful in mending your relationship through couples therapy. Some couples find that they need a few months of therapy to get to a place where their connection feels solid, while others may take over a year. Couples that graduate from couples therapy often find their relationship more satisfying and therapy worth the investment.
Ready to talk it through with someone who gets it?
If you and your partner are feeling stuck but unsure how to start, a free consultation can help you slow things down and get some clarity. You don’t need to have everything figured out or even agree on what the problem is yet. We can talk about what’s been coming up, what you’re hoping for, and whether couples therapy in Oakland CA feels like the right next step for you. You can schedule a free consultation through our contact page, and we’ll take it one step at a time.